Upfront Warning: If you don’t have a very open mind and an excellent sense of humor, especially about God and all organized religions, then you will not want to read this review or enter the giveaway.
Seriously, this memoir has something to offend just about everybody because God is not pulling any punches with what he has dictated be written. He is telling it like it is – it’s take no prisoners time. And it’s our book giveaway for the Fall Giveaway Hop!
The Last Testament is God’s memoir, as told to David Javerbaum. It’s literally been eons since God told men to write down what he said, and even then they got a lot of it wrong – and don’t get God started on all of the translations that have completely misconstrued what he meant. So, with some beseeching and abject begging from his literary agent, God has graciously decided to dictate his memoir to a lowly human being. God finally decided it’s about time to clear up some of those misunderstandings and misinterpretations of him and his works, to help us better understand, even though he really doesn’t have to you know – i.e., the all powerful, all knowing, all everything thingy.
Here are the subjects covered in The Last Testament:
1. Againesis, which includes Smitus (natural disasters) and Corrections (errata)
2. Reduxodus, which includes Jewed (the chosen people) and Glossy ones (celebrities)
3. Semiticus, which includes Sell-A-Thonians (America), Facts (unsolved mysteries) and Games (sports)
4. The Gospel According to Dad, which includes Fillemin (Godlibs), Pleader (prayer) and Effusions (my favorite things)
5. Koranicles, which includes Hindus (other heathens) and Fallopians (abortion)
6. 1,400 Years of Sanctitude, which includes Collations (recipes) and Romance (sex, love and marriage)
7. Revelation, and last but not least…
Seriously folks, you are either going to laugh your butt off on every page or want to jam an aluminum foil helmet on your head while you run hide in a basement somewhere for fear of lightning striking you – or possibly both at the same time. Maybe reading this in a basement, wearing a tin foil helmet, and using a flashlight would be a practical precaution to take.
Below are just a few of God’s pithy pronouncements in his memoir:
Words of wisdom about creation: “The most important thing about undertaking a large scale building project such as a universe, is to divide it into small, manageable action items.” For example, creating the heavens and the earth took about 5 hours.
Another creation action item: “Fill the sea with fish, fill the sky with birds; in hindsight this seems obvious; yet up until the last minute I had been planning on putting the fish in the sky and the birds in the sea.”
Oh, and did you know that Adam and Eve were originally Adam and Steve, until that stupid snake came along and ruined everything? Yes, folks, this is but one of the many amazing revelations you have in store for you in this eye-opening memoir. You’re going to get to know God like you never imagined possible.
God has much to say about Noah and the ark including, “Noah was a great man; he had a lovely wife, Nameless; and three terrific offspring, Shem, Ham and Japheth; and their domestic interaction had a real My Three Sons feel to it; for they were always courteous, and respectful, and hokey; and un-ironically used words like ‘Jeepers!’”
God even admits he actually stopped watching over us for a little while so he could oversee another universe, although he does say that other universe meant nothing to him. It was just a fling – honest. I think it took a lot for him to admit that, don’t you? And I know we all hope he won’t stray again, for the sake of our relationship with him.
And so it goes. Whatever you hold inviolate, God is going to dispel you of your cherished myths in his last testament and memoir. I have to say, with tongue fully implanted in cheek, that I came away from The Last Testament a much more knowledgeable human being about God. I had my suspicions but I really understand him so much better now, and I’m sure you will to. (Ahem – Please don’t burn any crosses on my lawn.)
The Last Testament: A Memoir by GOD was released on November 1, 2011, so it should be available from your favorite bookseller below (unless God has smited them recently):
One advance reader’s copy (ARC) of The Last Testament: A Memoir by GOD as told to David Javerbaum (with a memo from the desk of GOD to advance readers on the first page).
1) The deadline for entries is Saturday night, 11/12/2011, at 11:59pm EST. No entries after that date/time will be eligible.
2) This giveaway is open to entries with U.S. mailing addresses only because we do not ship books outside of the U.S.
3) You must be at least 18 years old to enter this giveaway.
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7) That’s it – it’s a very easy giveaway, so have fun and best of luck!
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